I caught her eye and smiled, and she smiled back. I said “Hi, my name is Beth Anderson and I own Plum Creek Associates. I’ve heard good things about your company and I wanted to meet you.”

Her smile got even bigger and she said “Nice to meet you. What is it you do?”

“I have a web design and hosting business like you do”. I replied.

She turned her back to me and walked away from her booth. Walked away. Not only from me, but from her booth. I guess lucky for her she had a couple of staff members there to cover for her. What just happened?

I never did make the opportunity to talk to her again, so I can’t say for sure, but I can make some assumptions about why we shy away from, or are outright rude to our supposed competition.

• We’re taught that our competition is the enemy.
• We think they’re trying to take advantage of us; they want to steal our great ideas or find out who our prospects are so they can go in there and take our customers from us.
• Maybe we’ve heard not so nice things about them and we are embarrassed for them, and afraid we’ll be rude to them based on hearsay rather than personal experience.
• Maybe we just don’t know what to say.
• Sometimes we just don’t like them.

Unless they are unethical or unpleasant people, your competition should be, at a minimum, a friendly acquaintance. They can be your friend and sometimes much more than that. Alliances are built, friendships are formed, and mergers happen between competitors all the time.

When I was growing up my parents owned a greenhouse in a small town in Minnesota. While I wouldn’t call the owners of the other greenhouse in town friends of my parents, they certainly knew one another and were pleasant to each other. And when something unexpected happened and one business needed emergency stock (this was long before Fed-Ex same day shipping), they knew they could call and the other business owner would help if at all possible.

We all know that bashing your competition is not the way to get strong, loyal customers. Whenever you speak poorly of others, you are saying more about your integrity and professionalism than you are about them. Your prospects may not tell you that they won’t do business with you because of it, but it’s true.

Be open to the possibilities. Once I found out that a competitor really focused on a piece of my business I didn’t want to do, and they found out the same about me, we ended up joining forces and do more business as a team than we ever did alone. Remember that Givers Gain. Every good deed that you do goes into the big “karmic soup” of life and eventually comes back to you, sometimes in very unexpected ways from unexpected sources. When you lend a hand to someone else, if just feels good.

The next time you are at an event with your competition go over and introduce yourself. Be friendly. Be nice. If nothing else it will give them pause to wonder what you are up to! And who knows? You might find a great ally in your competition.

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Words Mean Things!
by Bob Nicoll

As a Re-Framing Word Smith, I am focused on the juxtaposition of words and the resulting behaviors. My dear friend Beth Anderson brought me a gift from her trip to South Africa in 2010.  Here is a picture of the gift.

Beth knows that I have a passion for eradicating the “(K)notty Words” and she enjoyed getting these two items for me to review.  When she gave them to me at the 2010 BNI International Directors Conference, I just shook my head.  Each book is only 5 inches tall and 3 inches wide however their “(K)notty” message is magnimous.

Blanche Ebbutt was the “Dear Abby” of her generation and wrote Don’ts for Husbands and Don’ts for Wives in 1913 as straight “how-to” guides to improve marital relationships. They contain hundreds of snippets of entertaining advice for a happy marriage, which rings true almost one hundred years after they were written.  Here is a comment from one of the London’s leading Newspapers since 1896:

“Words of wisdom for a happy marriage from nearly a century ago…The advice comes from a set of guidebooks on marriage written on the eve of the First World War…Penned by Blanche Ebbutt in 1913, they were first published at a time when women stayed at home while their husbands went out to work. Times have changed since then, but the advice could be considered as relevant today as ever.”—The Daily Mail

As an expert in re-framing the message, and eradicating “(K)notty Words”, I take issue with the suggestion of advice for the reader.  Have a look at one of the pages from the Don’ts for Wives book (Page 31)

Based on the Remember the Ice Philosophy (Click here for the story) this pages encourages wives to:

• Be out when your husband gets home.
• Let him have to search for you.
• Skip the kiss of greeting.
• Greet him at the door with a catalogue of the dreadful crimes commiteed by the servants during the day.  (One of my favorites… lol)
• Think your husband horrid if he seems a bit irritable.

Yikes!!! Would you really want to behave in this manner?  Would you want to be treated in this manner?

Let’s take a look at a page from the Don’ts for Husbands book:  (Page 11)

Again, here is the mixed message offered as advice:

• Sulk when things go wrong.
• “Nag” your wife.  If she has burnt the cake or forgotten to sew on a button, she wants to be told over and over again.  (You have got to be kidding me!)
• Scowl and look severe.
• “Let off steam” on your wife or children every time anything goes wrong in the garage or the garden, or the fowl-house, or the dark room.  (This last one could be grounds for building a case for how potential abuse occurs….)

Stop and think about the power of words.  Each one has meaning and can change the course of an event.

Each of us is in the business of sales & marketing.  Whether it is products and services to clients and prospective customers or ideas and suggestions to our children and partner; we are engaged to both the transfer of those goods and services as well as improving the selling environment. Remember the Ice helps you create the best environment and increases the results.

For more information on how your organization can benefit from understanding the power of word choice, contact Bob Nicoll, creator of Remember the Ice, the leading training company on how to: Increase your Sales by the Way You Compose Your Message.

Bob Nicoll
Chief Paradigm Shifter
Remember the Ice
907-862-1983
bob.nicoll@remembertheice.com
www.remembertheice.com

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Story Telling: Filling the Gap to Influence

by Jerry W. Williamson

Networking…is there something to this?

About eleven years ago, I started networking as a means to literally save my florist business. The United States had just recently been attacked on September 11, 2001 and due to everyone’s fright of what the future would hold, consumers began hanging on to their money with a clinched fist. The result: American businesses began shutting their doors at a frantic pace due to hysteria…fear of the unknown!

From September 11 forward, business owners would have to learn to market their businesses differently if they wanted to survive. They needed to re-evaluate their target markets, the message they would be broadcasting, their price points, and their expectations of being a successful business owner.

As I re-evaluated my business, I realized I needed a team of people to help me move forward strategically. I joined an international business networking organization and learned very quickly that this “networking thing” had some real value. Prior to September 11, I probably would have never given “networking” any credibility.

Throughout the years, I have learned that there are two types of networkers:

1. People who network to make a quick sale
2. People who network to become influencers in their industry

You’ve all experienced Networker #1…right? So, we don’t really need to spend time discussing this one, but what about Networker #2?

The people who network to become influencers in their industry have much broader goals in place. They want to be able to survive the next calamity in their business, their industry, or that the world may experience. And, they want to make a difference in their industry’s niche.

So how do you become an Influencer in your industry? I don’t need to remind you that people want to do business with people they know, like, and trust. You’re already mega miles ahead of the typical networker or you wouldn’t even be here reading this blog. But, how do you fill the gap to becoming an Influencer?

Telling Stories!

As I began to climb the ladder in the business networking organization I had joined, I learned that people really enjoyed hearing my story! MY STORY? Why would anyone want to hear MY story?

I quickly figured out that no one was exactly in the same place I was. They were either at least two steps ahead of me, or two steps behind me…meaning there were people that wanted, and needed, to hear my story. There were people who were experiencing the same struggles I had just conquered. People who needed to know that the place they were in today did not have to be the place they would remain. And, the people who were two steps ahead of me enjoyed watching me and helping me to get to MY next step.

So…what’s YOUR story?

Let me challenge you to begin creating and sharing your story. And, if you really want to make a lasting impact…try recording your story on video. Short one-minute videos will give you the opportunity to reach a broader audience, but it will also allow you to practice your story for the next time you are at a networking event.

Imagine, how telling a quick story about YOU can make people want to come back and hear more about you and your business.

Telling Stories…it’s your answer to filling the gap to becoming an Influencer in your industry.

__________________________

Jerry W. Williamson, called the Ambassador of Networking,  created BusinessNetworkingVideos.com to introduce you to his network of business professionals. He participates in several Chamber of Commerce organizations in North Alabama, as well as works as an Area Director for BNI, Business Network International. He is a member of the International Association of Teambuilding Facilitators and a founding member of Get Connected To Speakers. “All of these people offer me the opportunity to network my business and create referrals for those business people within my network,” says Jerry.

See the world through new eyes in 2012!

As the new year arrives let’s make a commitment to make it a truly NEW year. What would happen if you walked into your office on January 2nd and pretended that you had never met the people you work with? What could you learn about them that can improve your relationship?

How about your clients? Especially those who, when you see their number on caller id you want to let it go to voice mail? What opportunities are you missing because of what you have yet to learn about your client? Who do they know that you want to meet? What business challenges are they facing that your company or your referral partners can solve for them? When was the last time you asked “How can I help you”?

What if you took a step back and viewed each relationship in your life with new eyes? Which ones would you keep, and which ones would you know it was time to let go?

I am off to Costa Rica for the next 10 weeks. This has been in the planning stages for quite some time, and I am very much looking forward to meeting new people, working from a new space, and seeing the world with new eyes, and a fresh outlook. Have a happy New Year, and I will meet you again in 2012!

For me it’s in the car. I’m unsure whether it’s the motion, the radio, the mindlessness of it, but whatever it is, when I am in my car, all alone, for more than 15 minutes my brain seems to go into overdrive. When all I have to do is drive, my mind has the space to think, and all it takes is a moment of concentration on the issue at hand.

Because I know this about myself, if I’m stuck on something I hop into the car and go for a drive. The destination doesn’t matter, it’s the actual movement that puts my brain into a state of rapid thought. Ideas start flowing, answers show up, whatever is troubling me gets resolved.

So where do you do your best thinking? Alone? In a group? Is it quiet or noisy? Inside or outside? Once you figure it out, take your brain and go there. Let me know what happens!

However, I do know something about pretty much all of the major sports in the United States. I can talk about baseball, football, basketball, tennis, golf, and because I’m a Minnesconsinite (born in MN, live in WI), even hockey. I can identify most of the teams, and even some of the players. I can, and do on a regular basis, appear that I care about whatever sport or team you are passionate about.

It’s a conscious business decision.

I’ve worked in the technology world for over 30 years. Most of the IT world is made up of men, and while you may laugh and say nerds aren’t sports guys, that is actually an exception and while it makes for a cute joke, in my experience it simply is not true. Also, the business world at large is made up of mostly men, and let’s face it, most men have a thing for sports. So I keep up with the major sports enough so that I can contribute to a casual business conversation and appear to be part of the group. Also when a client goes on and on about their pet sport I can participate which always helps make for a stronger client/vendor bond.

It’s good business. I am all about good business decisions.

I also keep up with current events. Yes, sometimes I’m interested in whatever it is, but more so because I feel it’s important to have conversations that cover more than the weather when you have some down time, whether it’s in business or my personal life, I like to be able to talk about what is going on in the world. It comforts me to be able to talk intelligently to anyone I meet.

And I believe that making these small steps in learning have served me well in business over the years. Many people have told me that I relate well to other people, and that I’m a good conversationalist. To me it’s like knowing which fork to use at a fancy dinner, cover the basics and I will be more comfortable with everything else.

I encourage you to keep up, at least a little bit, with sports and current events. It will serve you in the long run, and it will help you make connections with the people you meet along the way.

Just one last thing, since I identify with Minnesota but live in Wisconsin, do I say Go Vikings or Go Packers? If you know anything about football, this year I believe I’ll stick with my adopted state and shout GO PACKERS!!!

“If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right” – Henry Ford

Whenever I hear myself saying “I can’t” this is the quote that comes to mind. The power of positive thinking used to be something I pooh poohed. New Age BS, I said. Until I started seeing the results both in my life and the lives of others. Sometimes I’m a hard sell, you’d think I was from Missouri!

Have you seen the YouTube video about the guy whose son wanted to run a marathon? Dick and Rick Hoyt.

This always brings tears to my eyes. The love this man shows for his son is something that is, to me, beyond my comprehension. It inspires me to believe. To believe in the goodness of humanity, and to believe in myself. Because yes, I can, as long as I believe I can.

Then there’s this guy, Nick Vujicic:

Whenever life gets a little tough, whenever I’m whining about something, all I need to do is watch these two videos. I’ve seen them so many times I don’t even have to watch them anymore, I can hear them in my head.

So what is holding YOU back today from being all that you can be? What messages are you telling yourself?

If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. I think I can, and that means that I will be healthier, happier, more of the person I am meant to be.

I love living life. I am happy.- Nick Vujicic

So in this week of universal giving of thanks, I will remember the Hoyts, and Nick, and know that the only limitations are the ones I put upon myself. There are no limits beyond my own head. I am thankful that all of this is what you make of it, and I choose to make it a happy life.

You, yes you, are a big part of what makes this journey so easy and so wonderful. Thank you for bringing joy and wonder to my life. I appreciate you, all of you.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving. I know I will.

“Try it, you’ll like it” was the tagline for Alka-Seltzer in 1971. It quickly became part of the lexicon in the United States. While the original commercial was a waiter getting the customer to try a food which led him to need Alka-Seltzer to settle his stomach, in common use it now is used as a way to convince people to try things that you like, and you’ll think your friend will also enjoy. I have no challenges with using the word ™try in that context. Everyone needs to try things to find out what they like, and it’s a good thing. “I’ll try anything once” is a brave statement of self-confidence and adventurousness. I admire that statement, and do my best to be like that.

Where this small word gets into trouble, for me, is when people say “I’ll try”. We’ve all heard it, and we’ve all said it. What it usually means is “I don’t want to do it, but rather than be honest with you, I’ll leave you with I’ll try so you’ll still like me”. What do you hear when your spouse says “Okay, I’ll try”. Do they really mean “Probably not”? How about your kids? Is “I’ll try” to get my homework done good enough?

What do you think when a vendor or employee says “I’ll try and get that to you by Wednesday”? Do you believe that you will actually see it on Wednesday? Or do you think, like I do, that you’ll probably be lucky to see it by Friday, if at all?

Words are powerful things, and when you change your self-talk and public speak to “Yes, I can do that” from “I’ll try and do that”, you build confidence in yourself and your listener.

My friend Tony Wolfe has a phrase that is so present in my life now that I find myself using it all the time. GO DO™ rings loudly in my head every time I’m tempted to say “try”. Am I going to “try” or am I going to GO DO™? I choose to GO DO™.

I challenge you to start questioning people, nicely, of course, when they cop out by saying “I’ll try”. I’m unconvinced that any of us does it on purpose, when we say it we THINK we’re saying we’ll do our best, we’ll TRY. Maya Angelou says “When we know better, we do better”. So now that you know what “try” actually means, will you see it in a new light? Now GO DO™!!

No Act of Kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -Aesop

Last week I commented on a blog that I thought the writer was Amazing. Later that day I received an email from her, thanking me for my kind words and telling me that no one had ever before called her amazing.

• Who have you complimented today? Words are power, and evoke emotions. Make it a point to compliment someone each day, you never know how important those words could be to them at that moment.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a meeting with a woman I know. She told me a story about how I helped her come out of her shell and she attributes much of her current business success to my helping her realize that she could be something other than shy, if she wanted to be. I’m a bit sheepish to admit that I barely remember the incident that she remembers so clearly. Why don’t I remember? Because that’s what I do. I talk to people, and encourage them. Because it is so much a part of me the individual instances become a bit of a blur, while for the person I am talking to, this might be the first time they had ever had anyone tell them that they can be something other than the way they always think of themselves.

• The next time someone says something derogatory about themselves, speak up and tell them what you think about who they are. You never know what that small action on your part can mean in their life.

Several years ago I joined a Yahoo group (this is long before Facebook and LinkedIn) for the networking organization, BNI, Business Network Int’l. I never paid any attention to how many people were in the group, I just stepped in and started answering questions or commenting on conversations that were happening. There were maybe 15 people who regularly piped up in the group, either asking or answering questions, so to me that was the size of the group – 15 people. Then I went to a conference where 14 people came up to me and told me they wanted to meet me because of my participation in the Yahoo Group. I was baffled. When I went back and looked, the “small, insignificant” group turned out to have over 5,000 members. Yes, 15 of us were talking to each other, but another 4,985+ people were listening.

• If you join an online group, participate. Do it with patience, kindness and integrity, and you will make the right reputation for yourself.

The Great Leap of Faith, Jane Evershed

Lastly I will share the power of the right present at the right time. A dear friend of mine posted on Facebook something about taking a “leap of faith” in her business. When I posted back to her, I asked if she had ever heard of the artist Jane Evershed. I’ve had Jane’s poster “The Great Leap of Faith” in my office for 20 years. When my friend said how much she liked it, and that she would definitely see if she could afford it next month, a light bulb clicked in my head. Ten minutes later the poster was purchased and on its way to my friend’s office. Three days later my friend called, in tears. She was very touched by my gesture. A small thing to me, a huge thing to her.

• What can you do for someone in your life if you only listened beyond the surface? As the holiday season is upon us, pay attention to what your friends and family are talking about, and then translate that into a gift that goes beyond the generic, and into the terrific.

Let me know what small things you have done that had impact far beyond your original intent!

Avoiding the phrase “I don’t have time…”, will soon help you to realize that you do have the time needed for just about anything you choose to accomplish in life. – Bo Bennett

And another favorite:

Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. – Life’s Little Instruction Book, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

This could go on until the end of time, quoting people about time. Because it’s the one thing we all have the same amount of, time.

Because so much has been written on the subject, and I doubt anyone needs yet another lecture on time management from yet another person who struggles with it, I have just one suggestion for you.

Swallow the Frog. While not the exact title (I just discovered it’s actually Eat That Frog, by Brian Tracy), anyone who has been in business for the last ten years knows the reference. If not, click Tracy’s link and buy the book.

What is the biggest thing you do NOT want to do today? Now go do it. You will free up so much of your brain – the part that keeps niggling at you to go do it – that you will find the rest of your day to be more productive.

My frog today was writing this blog. And now it’s done!!

What was your frog today? Please do share, as it holds you accountable and I do enjoy hearing about other people’s frogs.